How do I even start this one? This post is more like what I am thinking right now instead of questions and answers. Other posts are also my thoughts but still, this one is different, I just can't explain how it is different.
What happens when the brain and the heart fight with each other for control? Logic vs Emotion, Experience vs Ethics, Calculation vs Gut. It happens sometimes. Almost every time. How do people even make decisions? I know for a fact that most prefer to use emotion rather than logic. Why? Because they want to feel good. Feel blessed. But it isn't always correct, is it? No. But it feels good.
Today is the same case. What day is it today? I don't keep track of time nowadays. Not that I ever did. Anyways, due to certain complexities in my past, I decided that I would always listen to the top one, not the middle. Logic was my savior, and experience guided me. Till Now. It's been a few days since I started to feel this tension between the brain and the heart. I can't exactly explain this but I'll try. You see, there is a girl for whom, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I think I might have developed some feelings. Again, I don't know why but I feel she is different than the rest. I don't know her much, but the gut has been signaling me positive vibes about her.
Now, here comes the problem. Since I survived (in past) because of my brain, I have become accustomed to listening to it. Why should I even care about some stupid feeling with no meaning behind it? I don't talk much and it might come as an attitude for some people, which certainly is not the case. I just don't feel the necessity to communicate without any reason. Anyways, the brain does not see that much difference in her IQ, her behavior, compared to other people. And she is an average one. Nothing special. Just simple. So, by logic, why settle for someone who is not worth it, right? Why would anyone want to talk or have any interest in a person whose ideas and qualities don't even match? You see where I am going right?
I am not saying that I am special or I am smart, intelligent, wealthy, handsome cause I am not. Honestly, I am not. But still, would you not want better for yourself? To achieve something that only a few people can? To be someone important? To have someone who is amazing and worth your every time and life? I think the same, or should I say that my logic i.e. the brain thinks that way. But the heart is, somehow, withholding this decision. I can feel this pressure. On one hand, I don't want to have any feelings for anyone, but on the other hand, I want to be with her. Like, talking about things and spending some quality time. Now, what do I choose?
I just can't deny both of these opposing situations. I have to choose one of them and I am worried that I may regret my decision of leaving her or repeat the history again and be miserable. Should I take initiative or should I just let it be and carry on not caring? One of my friends once told me that this kind of situation may arrive, and damn him, here it is. Sooner than I thought. But I haven't given up yet. Brain 1 - Heart 0.
I need more time and only then I will be able to make a decision that's worth everything. I can't see a better ending to this one, but I'll do my best to solve this out. I know no one's going to read this blog but if somehow you stumbled here, wish me luck.
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