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Just wanted to talk about the past. I don't know if this is even going to be useful. Not everything has to be useful, just be. I don't know if what I did was right. Sometimes I do think that I shouldn't have done all that. Maybe it would have been better if I just became ignorant. But I couldn't help. I couldn't stop. What's done is done. But maybe, maybe things would have been different if I did something else entirely. I think about all this sometimes and the consequences. The follow-up. The changes that happened and all the thoughts put into preventive measures for the future. Is it worth it? Is it even possible to be safe? To prevent history from repeating itself? Can I do it? Would I be able to do it? What would it cost me?

I have been holding up quite well till now. Till now. There have been times when I was close enough to allow the same mistake to happen again. It gets like this sometimes. Sometimes you just don't feel good. You feel like you are making a mistake and you'll fail. I think this is all a part of the journey, but what would someone do if they don't find or see an end to this road? Would it even be worth considering? Or we die without seeing an end to this path? Should I reconsider my methods? Or should I go on with this? I don't know. But I have hope that I will find an answer. It's just I can't see anything ahead. The road is dark. No matter how hard I try to look, I can't, but I shouldn't lose hope. That is all I can do for now. All that is left to do for now.