Writing some thoughts

Today I remembered a quote from the movie 'The Lunchbox'. It goes like this, 'I think we forget things if we have no one to tell them to', and it made me think for a moment about why I write blogs. I have friends & family if I ever want to talk about something. I can get help whenever I want. So I was thinking why write in loneliness where no one will read. And I think it's because people won't understand me. All my life, people have talked & I listened. And those who listened to me, did so to give me a piece of their mind. Or I was misunderstood. Or taken advantage of. When was the last time someone actually listened without judging? Have I ever talked so freely? I can't remember. So maybe to ease me & make this life a little liveable, to not forget some moments, I write. I won't lie. A simple task such as writing can help a lot. This is not the only place I have written. There are others where only I can read. Maybe someday someone will read them.

There is also the quote I saw the other day, 'खुशी बन'. It means 'be happy' in Nepali. I see the drawing of that old man smiling every day & written under it is this line. But only yesterday I took the time to notice it. I thought it was a simple sentence with a straightforward meaning but it's so hard to be happy. How do people become happy? Money? Friends? Family? Love? Fame? Freedom? Or maybe all of them. I wish I could answer. Let's turn the question around. What causes unhappiness? Poverty? Adversity? Strangers? Loneliness? Facelessness? Captivity? I bet it's all of them. So what about people who are good in society, have decent earnings with loving friends & family? Are you saying those people are truly happy & never sad? Are their lives fulfilled? I can't imagine being happy. When did I lose it? Was it when all of my friends turned on me? Was it when nobody helped me? Maybe it was at the time when I used to walk behind and no one bothered to check. But the saddest & the most pathetic part is I still remember these memories. Not a single day goes by without replaying them. So amidst all this, tell me, how do I become happy?

People say, 'One day you'll look back & laugh at these memories'. All I see are regrets. I have learned my lessons from them but instead of getting better, I get miserable. I try to make sure people don't go through what I did. If I can't protect others from others, at least I won't hurt them. With a heavy heart, I try, yet I get to learn another lesson in shit. Now that I read it back, it's depressing. And my soul is tired.

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