Friday, April 14, 2023

A statistic

 How things change. You think the people around you, the people you have, they’ll be with you. That they’ll help you. And things take a different turn. You realize that they were there, but never with you. Then you realize how lonely you are, how alone you are. Being there but never present. Living but not alive. Almost meaningless. Just a figure among the masses. A number. A statistic.

Hope becomes a curse. No matter how much you want to be, it’ll just be the same, every time.

You try to see it through a different lens, but the reality always seems the same. Ugly. You know the truth but you don’t want to accept it. No matter which colors you use, or how many layers you stack, the result will always be the same. You turn your head in the opposite direction and it’s everywhere. Nowhere to look. Nowhere to go. At least for now.

The first step is always the difficult one. Then another. And another. At least it’s a start and you are now on a road to somewhere. You don’t know whether that “somewhere” exists or not but you move anyways. After a while, it’ll become easy. Maybe you won’t need any glasses to see through. Maybe. But a curse is a curse, and it’s a part of you. You may fail, but you continue. You have to. Because you have left so much behind, sacrificed so much that it’ll be for nothing if you turn back. You can return but now is not the time, and you’re not ready.

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