Random Things

What would it feel to be free? I don't know. I think we are all bound by our responsibilities, our duty, our morals. So, I guess we are not truly free. It is awkward to think that humans are not free. What would true freedom feel like then? No one has any idea or at least I don't know anyone with an answer. 

If you have ever watched 'Rick and Morty', then you should remember this quote by Rick: "The universe is basically an animal. It grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them. Smart people get a chance to climb on top, take reality for a ride, but it will never stop trying to throw you, and eventually, it will, there's no way off." This is just a saying from a fiction-based cartoon but I think it still holds some level of truth. If you think about it, everything in this universe fades away. Things come into existence and die. Nothing lasts forever. Entropy wins. This is the reality, the reality of the universe, and no one can escape.

Listening to music feels good. Music is one of the best gifts humanity has been blessed with. It just takes you to another place. The place where time stops and everything fades away. It is just you and the soothing sound. The harmony. As you listen, you feel comfortable and warm, even if it is for a few moments. Everyone has their own taste in music. So it differs from one person to another, but if they figure out the type of music they like, it's like finding a home. It just feels good. I don't think there has ever been a human who disliked music.

"Because I don't respect therapy; because I'm a scientist; because I invent, transform, create and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feeling has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle - when I feel like it. So..... you asked." - Rick Sanchez, 2018

"Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.
You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle.
You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand.
I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die.
Each of us gets to choose." - Dr. Wong, 2018.

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Just wanted to talk about the past. I don't know if this is even going to be useful. Not everything has to be useful, just be. I don't know if what I did was right. Sometimes I do think that I shouldn't have done all that. Maybe it would have been better if I just became ignorant. But I couldn't help. I couldn't stop. What's done is done. But maybe, maybe things would have been different if I did something else entirely. I think about all this sometimes and the consequences. The follow-up. The changes that happened and all the thoughts put into preventive measures for the future. Is it worth it? Is it even possible to be safe? To prevent history from repeating itself? Can I do it? Would I be able to do it? What would it cost me?

I have been holding up quite well till now. Till now. There have been times when I was close enough to allow the same mistake to happen again. It gets like this sometimes. Sometimes you just don't feel good. You feel like you are making a mistake and you'll fail. I think this is all a part of the journey, but what would someone do if they don't find or see an end to this road? Would it even be worth considering? Or we die without seeing an end to this path? Should I reconsider my methods? Or should I go on with this? I don't know. But I have hope that I will find an answer. It's just I can't see anything ahead. The road is dark. No matter how hard I try to look, I can't, but I shouldn't lose hope. That is all I can do for now. All that is left to do for now.