Fear

I don't want to think about it. But it keeps coming back. No matter how many times I try to resist, it won't stop. Like some bug that makes its way in your house, no matter how hard you try to fend it off. Will I achieve that goal, reach the level where I don't have to do this again and again? I have been thinking lately. Something I always do. But this time, something's wrong. Feels like I am carrying a boulder and it keeps dragging me in the opposite direction of wherever I am headed. But I can't stop now, can I? 

I try to rest but it gets boring. Diverting my attention to somewhere else helps but it doesn't last much longer. I guess it's life. But I can't make this excuse. I can't just leave it at the hands of the fate. The more I try, the heavier it gets. And I can't quit. I just can't. Even when I try to, I can't. Quitting won't stop it.

The only thing I can do is move forward. I can see the light, sometimes. But then it disappears, like I am hallucinating or something. I hear faint voices but do I trust them? I am tired of walking through this, left  alone in darkness. Struggling. I am just tired. Can't rest either. No time for weakness. It won't stop. I doubt if it will ever stop. So won't I. I don't know if I am headed towards right way and still, somehow, I like this mess. This resistance, heaviness, darkness, it all feels comfy somtimes. But sometimes, I wish for a helping hand. A hand to guide me through this. Two parts fighting for their place in this madness. I guess who's going to win. For the time being, I will keep moving wherever I might end up. I have to keep it away but this silent war is far from over.

Journey

 It starts in the ordinary world. Here, everything is "normal". Or at least, normal to you. You might feel that something is off, or as if you were meant for more, but you don't really know what. You might even brush this hunch aside, believing that life is "good enough".

You continue to plug away in the ordinary world, resigned to your life as you know it. But then there is a calling - something that jolts you out of your sleepwalk-like trance. This is your call to adventure.

Once you heed the call to adventure, that's when life starts to get interesting. There will be multiple tests to determine the strength of your resolve. You'll meet allies and mentors that will help you on your journey. But there will also be enemies who want to prevent you from moving forward. Sometimes these enemies are internal. They're the small voices inside you telling you to "go back" or "you're not ready yet." Other times, they're eternal, and these people will do anything to prevent change or disruption. Often they're not enemies in the traditional sense - they just want to see you safe. But safety isn't the goal.

Sometimes there is an ordeal or an epic fight with the dragon on this hero's journey. But more often, there is a series of ordeals and battles that you'll need to overcome with tools that only you possess, like wisdom, courage, strength, and discernment.

You might have been brought up to believe that your hard work results in treasures like a beautiful house, perfect partner, or the top position at a prestigious firm. It might, but those treasures are transient. The real treasure on this journey is your self-confidence and self-actualization.

You make your way back from your journey resurrected. You are more confident, more at ease with yourself, and you have a new understanding of how the world works and how you can contribute to it. You are closer to self-actualization. It is not the end of the journey, and there will be more, but it is the beginning of seeing the world from a new height.

Now, this is the part that many of us forget - you're supposed to return with a boon. The journey doesn't end with a pot of gold that you keep to yourself. You are supposed to come back to the ordinary world with wisdom to share that helps to make the lives of those around you better. Let's not forget the most important step!